I’m the type of blogger where I want to make a difference in the world. One who’s words can just make someone rethink what is possible. I follow some of them and they inspire me to be a better person. That the pain that I’ve dealt with in my short life are only but life changing experiences. If I was the girl who I was only eight years ago (wow…eight years have passed since I graduated high school), I don’t know who I would be now. Probably just a naive girl.
Needless to say, I’m not the girl I was eight years ago. The last eight years have felt like a lifetime but also like a year. I’ve experienced what it is to lose someone so special in my life (my dad) and watch him leave my mom and me right before our eyes. I’ve dealt with heartbreak, the thought of never seeing the love of my life again. I’ve dealt with being taken advantage of. I’ve dealt with losing friendships. I have dealt with a debilitating back injury. I have dealt with losing myself. Though, out of all of these hard times, I’ve also seen what it is come back kicking and become my true self. I have been reborn from all of those ashes of my past. Being at rock bottom, like Ariel in the Little Mermaid when Ursla is taking over and she is sitting at the bottom of the vortex in the ocean, yeah I’ve been there and it is awful. Feeling like you can’t control one thing in your life and instead you try to numb that feeling of complete helplessness. It’s rough. But, it was an eye opener and I came back from it all. I am stronger than I ever imagined possible.
Today, I read blog posts of super strong women who also have dealt with pain, suffering, weakness and I strive to live my days to my best potential because their words have brought me through. I’ve realized who I am or at least what I’m striving for. I remember the words my dad would always tell me when I was down. The words my mom and sister tell me often to help me through. The support and fierce love my fiance gives me everyday. The support of my closest friends that I’ve held onto. There is so much that I am grateful for. That is what keeps me going every single day.
I’m the type of small town girl who wants to move mountains. I want to help find a cure for cancer so that no one has to watch the pain and suffering that I had to with my dad. I want to help ensure that girls don’t get taken advantage of and feel like they are absolutely worthless. I want to do so much for this world. One day I hope that I will. For now though, I am still growing from the ashes of my past. I am trying to figure out where I belong in this great world. For now, just striving to be a good person and following small random acts of kindness is enough. For now, just living my life one day at a time, truly happy with who I am, is enough. For now, just striving to be a good friend, fiance, daughter, sister, aunt, worker, etc etc etc is enough. I am happy with who I’ve become.